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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29519811">About A Bird</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/disco_judas/pseuds/disco_judas'>disco_judas</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:42:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>594</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29519811</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/disco_judas/pseuds/disco_judas</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>About A Bird</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Regalia Martini, the most fabulous drag queen in the entire city, was really having a hell of a night. The crowd at the club this evening had been paying her way less attention than normal so tips had been low, plus she had broken a heel back stage and had to borrow a girlfriend’s pair of UGGs just to walk home.<br/>And on top of all this, she had come across some teenagers clearly about to rob a corner liquor store. God, she didn’t want to have to do this tonight...cursing under her breath, Regalia pulled off her wig and reached into her purse, retrieving her compact and opening it, revealing a brilliant holographic light that shines over her whole body. </p><p>Her short, natural hair glowed brightly, extending down her back into long, gorgeous locs. Her colorful party dress she wore for shows transformed into a fluffy white feather tailcoat and a pair of tight onyx black leather pants. <br/>Over her mouth, a shining silver metal beak-shaped mask formed while at the same time over her feet, bright metallic talon-boots had formed. Red and yellow makeup appeared around her eyes along with a set of dramatic black lashes on each eye. She grew a foot taller, and her legs radiated power.<br/>Regalia dashed out in front of the rowdy teenagers, striking her best Sailor Moon pose.</p><p>“Aw shit you guys, it’s Secretary Bird, we gotta go!” one of the girls said, snatching a satchel that Regalia, now the powerful, sexy superhero Secretary Bird, could hear was full of clinking glass liquor bottles. Oh hell, no. She thought, these kids were absolutely not a single one of them over the age of 18, she wasn’t about to let these children off into the night with a bag full of strong spirits, that was gonna cause all kinds of hell.</p><p>“Put the liquor down, honey!” Secretary Bird called out, her magic silver beak projecting her voice clear and bright as a bell, and straight into the hearts and brains of the young miscreants. A few of them put down bottles they had stashed in coats and hoodies, and the one who had shouted placed her satchel down sadly, muttering “But...but we need this…”<br/>Secretary Bird strode up to her. “What do you need booze for, sweetheart? To numb the pain of life?” she asked wisely.<br/>The girl nodded, wide-eyed. “Basically yeah. It’s all we got to help us feel better.” she told the costumed hero sadly.<br/>Secretary Bird smiled underneath her mask. “Have I got some good news for you. It’s called ‘healthy self-care’, and it’s gonna replace the alcohol, and help you actually feel better. And get this, no hangover!”<br/>The teenagers looked confused, but gathered around more closely, wanting to hear more. It was a big gang, which is what gave them their confidence, Secretary Bird thought, and indeed some of them hadn't really gotten the message. She looked up and saw three of them make a dash to grab up abandoned loot and escape down the street. Secretary Bird's eyes flashed dangerously and she raised one leg over her head, bringing the heel down on the ground in an incredibly powerful kick, sending a shockwave through the sidewalk and tilting up loose concrete, impeding the progress of the delinquents.</p><p>“Excellent! Y’all follow me,” Secretary Bird said cheerily, “We’re gonna go to my place and talk about home spa days, podcasts, aromatherapy and yoga. And all you hot little hunnies are gonna get hydrated!” she crowed, leading her proteges into their future.</p>
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